Wasn’t The Mummy 3 terrible enough?

August 6, 2008 at 4:33 am 2 comments

Ahh, shit... yeti!

OMGz, a yeti!!!1!!1 lolzzz

I have no problem admitting that I thoroughly enjoyed the first film in the “Mummy” trilogy. Heck, even the second one was entertaining for what it was — a mindless summer blockbuster. But there’s no one who can disagree that after the second flick, the whole franchise went sour. The Jumping of the Proverbial Shark happened with (and I totally don’t blame you for shoving this bomb out of your memory) “The Scorpion King,” featuring The Rock as, well you guessed it, a half-man, half-bug, all-badass that …. uh, I’m actually kind of pleased with myself for not knowing anything more about that film.

And that brings us to the not-so-long-awaited “The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Something or Other.”

I haven’t seen it, yet. Well, probably ever, and for good reason. I really don’t usually listen to critics, but when something is pulling in reviews this overwhelmingly bad (there are only 11 positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, accumulating in whopping 9 percent on the tomatometer) I can’t help but believe that this movie is a steaming pile of, yeah you get the picture.

Do I feel bad trashing a film that I haven’t seen, nor do I ever intend to see? No. As soon as Brendon Fraser growls that super-cheesy cliche, “here we go again,” in the film’s trailer, I feel that I have free reign to dump as much negative sentiments on this movie as possible.

Anyway, even after “Mummy 3” limped to a second place finish behind “The Dark Knight,” which took home its third straight No. 1 box office draw, the producers are still licking their chops at the possibility for another atrocious sequel. Via Cinema Blend:

“By taking The Mummy out of Egypt and putting it in China, by exploring a different approach to the quest for immortality, we now have it clear that the Mummy franchise can travel,” (director Rob Cohen told them. … “If we want to go to Mexico or we want to go to Peru, we can because there’s a cultural truth there of the mummies and these beautiful cultures.”

STOP. For the love of all things holy, stop while you’re at near-rock bottom, because there’s still room to fall. And I guarantee yet another sequel has nowhere to go but even farther in the shitter than “Mummy 3” dove. The Cinema Blend article gave a pretty huge spoiler about the future of the franchise (which I won’t give away on the off-chance one of you actually wants to see “Mummy 3”), but let me just say this — this is a clear case of some studio exec. slipping in a useless and absurd plot twist in order to set up another movie.

Dammit, movies like this are just plain frustrating. Even when they don’t own the box office, the production companies still want to pump them out. If the public’s not paying to see “Mummy 3” isn’t proof enough that we don’t want a fourth one, want else can we do to stop its production?

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Entry filed under: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , .

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2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. man  |  August 6, 2008 at 7:51 am

    The one star I plopped on this clunky bore-athon is due to the presence of the great Jet Li as the evil Dragon Emperor of the subtitle and the gorgeous Michelle Yeoh as Zi Yuan, a witch who’s been on the Emperor¹s ass for over 2000 years.

    Peter Travers
    Rolling Stone

    http://www.rollingstone.com/reviews/movie/22126971/review/22126827/the _mummy_tomb_of_the_dragon_emperor
    martial-arts superstar Jet Li triumphs as the mostly wordless evil Emperor Han of ancient China, a glowing magma spirit locked in a terra cotta shell.

    Jane Horwitz
    Washington Post

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/31/AR2008 073100734.html

    Still, Li makes a great villain, using his powers to create fire, ice and other elements.

    Edward Douglas
    Coming Soon
    http://www.comingsoon.net/news/weekendwarriornews.php?id=47377

    Toward the end of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh launch into a vigorous sword fight — and what a grand pleasure it is to watch these two world-class stars in action again…Their duel atop the Great Wall of China is a reunion of titans, an Old Timers’ Day for two actor-athletes still in their sinuous prime. Forgive the effusions of an alter-kocker fanboy, but the flinty glamour of Li and Yeoh — buttressed by the stolid, sneering presence of top Hong Kong villain Anthony Wong Chau-sang (who in 1993 appeared in 15 films!) — is the best reason to catch this third in the series of Indiana Jones knockoffs.

    Richard Corliss
    TIME
    http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1828343,00.html

    A memorably badass Jet Li.
    Nathan Rabin
    AV Club
    http://www.avclub.com/content/cinema/the_mummy_tomb_of_the_dragon

    Reply
  • 2. courtney  |  August 7, 2008 at 12:05 am

    lamecakes tag = genius.

    Reply

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